If you are using mediation or the collaborative divorce process, Congratulations! Both methods provide wonderful opportunities to shape a divorce settlement that reflects who you are and what you value. With the right mediator or collaborative divorce professionals, those who facilitate, but do not dictate your divorce, it is more likely that your divorce will be a smooth life experience. This doesn’t mean that you won’t grow weary or perhaps feel pressured during the process.
Mediation and the collaborative divorce process are fertile ground for satisfactory settlements, but can be difficult to maneuver if you are unsure about your true needs and timid about raising them. Thus, I invite and encourage you to take the steps listed below. These steps and the information proffered therein are designed to help you through these alternative dispute processes and the issues that will arise along your journey. (Be sure to bookmark this page and come back often EVEN if you are working with a mediator or collaborative divorce team.)
Step One: Embrace the Process
If you are working with a mediator, but do not have an attorney, it is important for you to feel confident during your mediation; able to ask for what you need and not shy away when challenged. If you are working with collaborative professionals you will need to stay centered and not let the voices of your collaborative team drown out your inner voice or rattle your nerves. In either setting you want to be open to exploring creative solutions, but ensure the one you accept meets your needs and resolves your divorce. The Soul Centered Divorce, 7 Steps to Making Difficult Divorce Decisions with Confidence and Clarity will help you accomplish these goals. When you follow the simple, but powerful steps included in my guide, you will be able to identify the priorities in your life, gather the facts you need to brainstorm options, and make decisions that are in alignment with your priorities. If you find yourself confused, you can use my seven soul centered divorce steps to regain your footing and shape a divorce settlement that is right for you. If you are just starting or in the midst of mediation or the collaborative divorce process, download The Soul Centered Divorce, 7 Steps to Making Difficult Divorce Decisions with Confidence and Clarity and start using it today.
Step Two: Speak to Me
When you are in a relationship it is easy to fall into a designated role, one where you are conditioned to agree with your spouse, bite your tongue or accept what is being offered to you. When you are getting divorced it may appear easier to stick with your role or succumb to the fear of what might happen if you assert yourself. It is completely natural for these things to happen, but it can make it difficult, if not impossible for you to negotiate a divorce settlement that is right for you. Also, if you are not working with an attorney you may not know how expansive your divorce options might be and you may be too emotional to think outside of the box. For these reasons and many more, I invite you to speak with me so together, we can identify your needs, explore creative settlement options, and help you find and use your voice during mediation. Learn more and schedule a call with me here.
Step Three: Be Supported
It is scientifically proven that when women connect and collaborate with other women they experience a burst or increase in oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone and neurotransmitter that calms and counteracts the effects of cortisol, the stress hormone. It affects your mind and shapes how you view the world, in a positive way. Best of all, it is a natural hormone that we already posses (no prescription required) and the more your give/share/connect with others, the more you get, and the better you feel. It is perhaps, one of the greatest reasons to connect with other like-minded women in divorce, those who are committed to being authentic and true to themselves during divorce. It also is one of the reasons that I created soul centered divorce coaching circles, where I gather 12 intelligent, creative, committed women to learn how to use the soul centered divorce process to make their best choices in divorce and support each other in the process. Because the scientific and not-so-scientific evidence shows that you can feel better when supported by a group of encouraging women and be held accountable to staying true to yourself in divorce, I invite you to join my coaching circle here.
Step Four: Make Friends
Because the prospect of getting divorce can be intimidating and emotionally taxing, especially when you have to face your spouse directly, I encourage you to join The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide’s “secret” facebook group. This intimate and informal group allows you to connect and share with other divorcing women (24/7) who are facing the same or similar issues. Because I believe that receiving support and encouragement from like-minded women is one of the keys to staying true to yourself during divorce, my facebook group is only open to members of my Insider’s Circle, which you will become when you download The Soul Centered Divorce, 7 Steps to Making Difficult Divorce Decisions with Confidence and Clarity. So don’t delay, download your copy today and receive your invitation to join our group.
Step Five: Luxuriate and Learn
Step back and take a deeper look at who you are and what you value. Learn to think in new ways about the actions you can take and decisions you will make in your divorce. Nurture your body in luxurious surroundings where you can unwind with spa treatments, meditations, and yoga. Be well cared for with healthy meals, the brilliance of divorce experts, and the kindness of other divorcing women. Learn what I know about making your best choices in divorce – those that are aligned with who you are and what you value and use it determine your next best steps in mediation or the collaborative divorce process. Come away with me.
Step Six: Do-it-Yourself
If you successfully negotiate a divorce settlement in California (and you or your spouse is a resident), you can easily and quickly prepare and file your legal documents using The Fast and Friendly Divorce, How to Get Legally Divorced in California Without Going to Court or Hiring Attorneys. This system was specifically created for you and includes easy to follow step-by-step instructions that will show you exactly how to file all of the legal paperwork required to get legally divorce in California. It also includes completed sample forms that you can use as references when filling out your own forms, downloadable blank legal forms, and links to your local court’s rules and additional forms. There are two versions of my system, one for couples with children and the other, for couples without children, which keeps things simple for you. At any time before or during the mediation process you can start preparing and filing your forms then wrap-it-up by preparing your judgment after your mediation is complete. Download your system now and get started immediately.
Step Seven: Be Informed
Even if you are working with a mediator or collaborative divorce professionals, it is a good idea to gain an understanding of the divorce process. It also is important to expand your knowledge so you know what is in store for you and which issues you should raise if your mediator or collaborative team don’t touch on them.
Knowledge is power so begin your education now by reading the articles listed below, that are designed to help you through mediation and/or the collaborative divorce process. Remember bookmark this page and reference the articles again when you need them. Also, because mediation can get heated and the topic of going to court raised, learn more about what could be in store if you don’t settle your divorce by reading the articles found on this page: Preparing for and Going to Trial.
Alimony, Spousal Support, Maintenance
- Alimony, Spousal Support and Maintenance Explained
- Quick Facts About Spousal Support, Alimony, and Maintenance
- Family Support and Unallocated Alimony
Child Custody and Support
- Child Support Guidelines and Your Case
- Family Support and Unallocated Alimony
- State Child Support Calculators
Decision Making and Taking Action
- 3 Mistakes Women Make in Divorce and How to Avoid Them
- The Theory of Relativity and Divorce Decisions Making
- Using a Settlement Conference for Success in Your Divorce
Finances, Taxes, and Estate Planning
- Community Property Explained
- Equitable Distribution on Basics
- Separate Property Basics
- How do we value our house in divorce?
State Specific Resources
This article is not legal advice. You should consult an attorney if you have legal questions that relate to your specific divorce.