Just Ask Dear Donna Divorce Lawyer Donna Beck Weaver Answers Your Tough Questions

Q. Dear Donna,
I have been sober for 8 years, but my husband still drinks and he is verbally abusive, for which I go to counseling. We have been married for 10 years, lived together for 16 years and don't have any children. We have come to such a stalemate and are in a very low-income, no job area in Utah.  My question is this...Do I qualify for alimony? I am in school and would like to finish to be able to support myself. Thank you so much for your time and expertise. ~Unpaid in Utah

A. Dear Unpaid in Utah,
Kudos to you for your long sobriety!  And kudos for pursuing your education.  You have your "priorities on straight", as my mother used to say.  Your next wise moves are to analyze your financial picture... read the rest of the Divorce Expert's answer

Q. Dear Donna,
My wife and I are getting a divorce and we have worked everything out between ourselves. I am keeping property that I owned before the marriage. Now, before signing our agreement, my wife has gone to see a lawyer and the lawyer is asking me for a lot of financial information. Why does the lawyer want all of this information and what are they trying to do? ~Worried in Washington

A. Dear Worried,
I'm glad you wrote!  This is how to de-code what is happening:  1) your wife wants to have independent legal advice to assess the proposed arrangement to make sure that it is consistent enough with the law of your state and that there is nothing significant being overlooked, 2) the lawyer needs the financial information to... read the rest of Divorce Lawyer Donna Beck Weaver's answer

Q. Dear Donna,
Is there a law in California that states a brother & sister cannot share a room? My niece is 5 and her half brother is 10 and their dad is divorcing my sister but he plans on having them share a room in his new apartment. I heard that he couldn't. Is that right? ~Concerned in California

A. Dear Concerned,
There is no law in California mandating bedroom arrangements for family members. Given the high cost of housing in California, that's probably a good thing. I sense your concern is about protecting your very young niece when in a setting without Mom's supervision, particularly in view of the different genders and the fact that they are half siblings. Have the two children been living together before the divorce? read the rest of the California Certified Family Law Specialist's answer

Q. Dear Donna,
My ex-spouse and I have finally finished our messy divorce, but now it seems that the divorce was the easy part!  The hard part is we have two elementary school aged children together, and being parents together keeps on going!  How can we have a civil relationship even after divorce? ~No "Energizer Bunny"

A. Dear Bunny,
You are not alone!  Almost all divorced parents express similar sentiments.  The challenges of parenting after divorce are significant, and peacefully co-parenting with your "Ex" can seem impossible but...

Q. Dear Donna,
I retired early from the Federal government because our daughter was starting a new high school and I had health problems. We are separated now, our daughter will graduate this year, but I still have all of the health problems and then some! Is a judge going to make me go back to work with these continuing health problems, and after being unemployed for five years? ~Retired but Worried

A. Dear Worried,
Setting alimony or spousal support is one of the most difficult aspects of a divorce.  Yes, the status quo is that your husband and your income from early retirement have supported you for the past five years.  Sometimes financial divorce realities...

Q. Dear Donna,
My husband and I have only been married for 5 months but we have a 15-month-old child. The relationship is in shambles and we argue about everything. So much so that he has decided to file taxes separately this year (our first year of marriage) to be spiteful. How can I convince him to file jointly? He earns about 100k and I earn about 60k.  If we file separately, who will claim our child as a dependent? He pays the rent and utilities. I pay daycare and child-related activities. I want to have the upper hand on taxes. Is it better to file head of household or claim my son as a dependent? I imagine I would not be able to file both and would have to "concede" on one or the other? I'm totally stressed. Please help. ~Tax Dilemma

A. Dear Taxed,
You are right--it is relationship issues that are being played out in this struggle over how to file your tax returns...

Q. Dear Donna,
What exactly is a Quadro? Can the money from a Quadro be transferred directly into an IRA or bank account?  ~Puzzled in Peoria

A. Dear Puzzled,
QDRO (pronounced 'QWA-dro') stands for Qualified Domestic Relations Order.  It is a special type of order issued by a divorce court that allows the divorce court to... read more...

Q. Dear Donna,
I've been married for about 7 1/2 years and now separated for 4 months. We have a 6-month-old child. My husband left us and moved into an apartment stating he didn't love me anymore. Over the last 4 months, I've come to the conclusion that our marriage is over for me as well. During this time, I've also met a man who I think could be very special. We both realize I'm not in a position to make any future decisions and there has been no pressure to do so, but I wanted to know if it's advisable that I not date during the separation. ~Dilemma in Dallas

A. Dear Dilemma,
It must have been difficult to hear this message from your husband, especially with a newborn at home.  Dating during separation is always a hot topic.  The good news is that it... read more...

Q. Dear Donna,
My husband after 17 years of marriage has filed for divorce and is claiming that he can trace all funds used to purchase vehicles and the residence from separate property acquired before the marriage. The vehicles have been depreciated off against a business I solely ran.  We filed taxes jointly. Could you please point me in the direction of the laws concerning separate property? How is property commingled?  ~Robbed in Reseda

A. Dear Robbed,
Don't panic!  Claims are only claims, and often they turn out to be "wishful thinking" on the part of the claimer.  If properly traced, California law does recognize separate property contributions to property acquired during marriage, but there are limitations... read more...

Q. Dear Donna,
My husband and I have separated and will be divorcing.  We have two children in elementary school.  I have been the most hands-on parent but my husband is also involved in the children's lives.  The reason for the divorce is that I have fallen in love with someone else.   I'm worried that my husband will use this to claim that he is the better parent and seek primary custody of the children.  Should I be lining up witnesses who can prove that I am a good parent? ~Distressed in San Diego

A. Dear Distressed,
No doubt there are a lot of hurt and confused feelings in your family right now.   Even though there was an affair, it would be a tragedy if this led to a "revenge" or punishment motivated custody battle, yet this happens frequently.  All experts agree that... read more...

Q. Dear Donna,
I am having difficulty hiring a divorce attorney in my city because my husband is also an attorney. What should I do?~Blue in the Bay Area

A. Dear Blue,
It's true that in some small towns, it seems that all of the lawyers belong to the same "club."  This can be challenging for a wife seeking an independent attorney for divorce, and if you're married to the local judge, it's a lulu!   So, "What should you do?"... read more...