Planning a Safe Escape from an Abusive Marriage If you are in a violent relationship and your husband is hurting or threatening to hurt you, get help immediately. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for immediate advice: (800) 799-SAFE (7233) or (800) 787-3224/TDD.

If you are in an abusive relationship but your physical safety isn’t being imminently threatened, develop a safe exit strategy before leaving your marriage. Include in your strategy the applicable action items listed below and any others your lawyer or domestic violence counselor recommends. If you aren’t sure yours is an abusive relationship, read Identifying Domestic Violence, visit the web sites listed in our Domestic Violence Resources for Women and call the National Domestic Violence Hotline to discuss your relationship.

Action Items:

1. Find a family lawyer experienced in domestic violence. Ask her for advice about the safest way to leave your husband. Use our Guidelines and Tips for Finding and Choosing Lawyers.
2. If appropriate, get a civil temporary restraining order and/or criminal restraining order.
3. Find a woman’s shelter, a friend’s home, or a new home of your own. Safely time your move and keep your new address from your husband. Use our Domestic Violence Resources for Women to find shelters and services in your community to assist you with your move.
4. Gather the following information and have it ready to take with you when you leave your husband:
   1. Important documents, including your birth certificate, driver’s license, passport, green card, work permits, social security card, health insurance card, automobile title and a copy of your property deed
   2. Copies of all restraining orders in force against your husband
   3. Medications
   4. Money, checkbooks and credit cards
   5. Bank cards and statements
   6. Clothing, jewelry and personal effects
   7. Your children’s clothing, favorite blankets, and stuffed animals
   8. Copies of unpaid bills
5. Get a cell phone. Don’t give the number to your husband. Block your number so it isn’t available to people you call. Only give your number to trustworthy family and friends.
6. If you’re moving into a new home by yourself, install exterior security lighting and an alarm system.
7. Get a new post office box and forward your mail to your new address before you leave. Don’t forward your mail to your new home.
8. File copies of your restraining orders with your children’s schools.
9. Talk with your employer about the situation to prevent the inadvertent disclosure of personal information to your husband.

This article is not legal advice. You should consult an attorney if you have legal questions that relate to your specific divorce.

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