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Q. Is it a bad idea to date another man during my divorce? |
Dear Donna,
I've been married for about 7 1/2 years and now separated for 4 months. We have a 6-month-old child. My husband left us and moved into an apartment stating he didn't love me anymore. Over the last 4 months, I've come to the conclusion that our marriage is over for me as well. During this time, I’ve also met a man who I think could be very special. We both realize I'm not in a position to make any future decisions and there has been no pressure to do so, but I wanted to know if it's advisable that I not date during the separation. ~Dilemma in Dallas
Dear Dilemma,
It must have been difficult to hear this message from your husband, especially with a newborn at home. Dating during separation is always a hot topic. The good news is that it can be a sign for you that there can and will be Life After Divorce. Certainly dating in these circumstances is not illegal! But what is your wisest course of action at this point?
My advice is that your top priority be on thoughtfully sorting out the money and parenting responsibilities that you share with your current partner. I recommend that you get these matters resolved and committed to a written legal agreement before undertaking new partnership. This will give you the most security and independence for the next stage of your life. Also it will avoid unnecessarily complicating the delicate negotiations involved in divorce.
Dating someone new may seem more rewarding than starting to deal with the difficult conversations needed to finalize your existing marriage. As a divorce lawyer, I have seen that once there is someone new involved, divorce negotiations (especially parenting and support issues) often get more difficult, not less! So my advice is to get your homework done first, even if you have to be the one to initiate the divorce proceedings. As always, I recommend you avoid a contested divorce and use mediation or collaborative law.
Best of Luck,
Donna
This article is not legal advice. You should consult an attorney if you have legal questions that relate to your specific divorce.
