Q. How do I co-parent with my EX?

Dear Donna,

My ex-spouse and I have finally finished our messy divorce, but now it seems that the divorce was the easy part!  The hard part is we have two elementary school aged children together, and being parents together keeps on going!  How can we have a civil relationship even after divorce? ~No "Energizer Bunny"

Dear Bunny,

You are not alone!  Almost all divorced parents express similar sentiments.  The challenges of parenting after divorce are significant, and peacefully co-parenting with your "Ex" can seem impossible.  Your children need more from you and your ex may seem to make things harder.  Don't give up!  Start now to line up the help that you surely will need.

One of the most helpful resources I have found is the book Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way by M. Gary Neuman.  I call this book The Missing Manual on parenting after divorce.  It's the book that should have been sent to you along with your divorce decree!  Get this book as soon as you can, and turn to page 12:  How to Build A Co-parenting Relationship (Even When You Think You Can't).  Hint:  Recognize your common goals, choose your battles wisely, learn some non-threatening communication skills.

And take heart from one of the central messages of the book:  Kids learn many messages from divorce.  You can ensure that among them, your child "learns about resolution, love and hope; about admitting mistakes and moving on; about accepting himself and trusting others, no matter what happened to your marriage."

Another good resource you might consider turning to for help is Gary Direnfeld's website: Your Social Worker.

Good luck!

Donna

This article is not legal advice. You should consult an attorney if you have legal questions that relate to your specific divorce.

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