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Q. Can my niece and nephew share a bedroom at their dad's house? |
Dear Donna,
Is there a law in California that states a brother & sister cannot share a room? My niece is 5 and her half brother is 10 and their dad is divorcing my sister but he plans on having them share a room in his new apartment. I heard that he couldn't. Is that right? ~Concerned in California
Dear Concerned,
There is no law in California mandating bedroom arrangements for family members. Given the high cost of housing in California, that's probably a good thing.
I sense your concern is about protecting your very young niece when in a setting without Mom's supervision, particularly in view of the different genders and the fact that they are half siblings. Have the two children been living together before the divorce? If there is a family structure around which the relationship between the siblings has developed, then their sharing a room is likely a non-issue. Otherwise, I recommend the parents get some neutral advice from a child development expert who knows how to help children and parents adjust to divorce. If the children have not previously been living together, the expert will likely say that there is less concern about possible inappropriate sexual behavior, but close attention is warranted to the whole gestalt of an unknown older male child occupying the same room as a very young female. Issues of personal space, domination, who gets their way, are among the complicated issues to assess.
When parents are divorcing, it is very touchy for one parent to attempt to dictate or direct the living arrangements for the other parent. This is usually highly unwelcome. This is why the neutral child development expert comes in so handy. They can hear concerns, offer reassurance and offer recommendations that are balanced and have more chance of being heard.
Now let's talk about your role. You are a loving and concerned sister. You can help most by staying in that role. Do not add your concerns to the lengthy agenda your sister is no doubt already dealing with. If she should raise such concerns with you, I suggest you say that these are legitimate concerns and you hope she will take them up with a child development expert who might be able to give independent feedback and also communicate with the father.Good luck!
Donna
This article is not legal advice. You should consult an attorney if you have legal questions that relate to your specific divorce.
