Once divorce papers are filed with the court and a date requested, you'll have the opportunity for a pre-trial settlement conference or settlement conference. In many states and counties this is mandatory; in other areas it must be requested. Ask your lawyer or family court clerk about the process for court settlement conferences in your state/county.

Settlement conferences present both parties with a great opportunity to save money, decrease stress, normally associated with going to divorce court, and spend less time entangled in divorce proceedings. Many times a spouse who's been difficult to reason with suddenly becomes more willing to negotiate in the presence of a judge or mediator. Both parties are usually on their best behavior improving the chance for agreements to be made and a legal settlement to be reached.

If you're attending a pre-trial settlement conference take it seriously. This may be the best (and last) chance you have to reach a settlement you want. Taking part in a settlement conference allows you more control in your settlement than if it goes to court. Take this opportunity to make it happen by being prepared.

Use these suggestions to make your settlement conference a success:

1. Identify the issues in your case.
Use our Divorce Issues Checklistto determine the unresolved issues in your case. Establish your goals and set bottom lines for each. Take an inventory of your goals; prioritizing what's most important and what you're willing to negotiate. Flag any issues you’re unwilling to negotiate and those you’re willing to give up, for the right price – know your price.

2. Understand how the law affects your case.
To the best of your ability, and as it relates to your case, know your state’s family law. For example, if you’re asking for alimony, spousal support, or maintenance, find out if you’re legally entitled to it. If you are, also find out how payments are calculated and the projected frequency and length of payments. By understanding your legal rights, you’ll know your bargaining strengths and weaknesses and will be able to negotiate accordingly. Get a clear understanding of what the courts consider when determining alimony, child support, and child custody and see how the guidelines apply to your case. In order to effectively negotiate you must know the rules of the game.

3. Know the estimated costs of trial.
In negotiations, it’s important to know your risks and what you stand to lose if you don’t settle your case. By knowing your risks, you can weigh them against the benefits of a settlement offer and make educated decisions. Get an idea of how long a potential trial will last, what witnesses you'll need, if you'll have to pay for any professionals in addition to your lawyer. Once cases go to court there may be psychological evaluations mandated, witnesses called, and other requirements by the court that can become costly. Think about how much time you'll lose from work, the stress associated with a court battle, and how the strain on both parents will impact your children (if you have any). The costs of a trial are significantly higher, in general, than if you settle out of court. Consider more than just the financial costs involved.

4. Remain open to unique opportunities.
Once you understand your state’s family laws, you may think your negotiations are restricted to that which you are legally entitled to receive. Generally speaking, this isn’t true. You and your husband can agree to a divorce settlement that awards property, support or other rights you aren’t otherwise entitled to receive by law. For example, even if you aren’t legally entitled to receive alimony, spousal support, or maintenance your husband can nonetheless agree to be legally bound to make payments to you.

Keep an open mind and get creative on your side of the negotiations too. Having this type of attitude makes the possibilities of reaching a settlement out of court better.

5. Keep a few secrets.
Before and during settlement negotiations, you walk a fine line between disclosure and exposure. You want to convince your spouse that he should accept your offer but, at the same time, maintain an element of surprise in case you go to trial. To achieve this balance, work with your lawyer and develop a strategy that allows your husband to see some, but not all, of your cards while complying with your state’s full disclosure requirements. (Failure to disclose information in divorce can have detrimental consequences you won’t want to face.)

Many pre-trial settlement conferences require each party to present the other with their settlement conference statement. This statement is a summary of their position in the divorce case. When reading your spouse's statement be sure to read between the lines; you know this person very well and may be able to see beyond what's on paper to know what they have in store for a trial.

6. Be determined.
Negotiate the best terms you possibly can. Carefully consider the life-long consequences of any settlement offers. Keep asking for what you need until you get it or until you get close enough.

Don't be intimidated or worn down. Divorce takes energy; a trial and court take even more. If you're persistent and unwavering on the issues that matter the most to you and willing to bend o others you stand a better chance of the case being settled out of costly, time consuming court. Get plenty of rest the few days that precede your meeting and be prepared to negotiate for at least an entire day.

7. Be ready for a little give and take.
It’s common, and often necessary, for spouses to compromise during settlement conferences. Each spouse usually accepts something less than they might receive at trial to avoid risks and costs. Prepare yourself. If necessary, concede unimportant issues in exchange for those you value. Consider spliting the difference when you hit an impasse and remember your ultimate goal: to negotiate a settlement you can live with while avoiding the costs and risks of trial.

You may not want to give in on anything but in divorce this is usually never an option. Generally in settlement conferences, you must be willing to give; otherwise you risk losing any control in your divorce settlement when a judge makes the decision for both of you.

8. Be patient.
Understand that a settlement conference is a process. Like buying a new car, offers and counteroffers will be traded until a mutually agreeable decision is made. It takes time and perseverance. Remember to keep your long-term goals in mind and hang in there.

You maintain more control of the outcome of your divorce when it's settled without a trial or hearing. When you realize you're in for a long day with many back and forths and giving up some things you want, you'll find your settlement conference more successful.

9. Get it in writing immediately.
If you reach a settlement with your husband, thoroughly detail your agreement in writing and make sure both your husband and his lawyer sign it immediately. There are several benefits to doing it right away:

• Details will be clearer and it's essential the divorce decree be as detailed as possible
• Neither party can change their mind unless there is evidence of fraud, mistake, coercion or duress
• Attorney's fees continue to build until your file is closed. Taking immediate action eliminates additional unwanted lawyer expenses

In some cases your lawyer can request the court reporter to record the agreement and make a transcript of the agreement. This puts the agreement 'on the record.' The courts will convene to review the agreement making sure both parties understand what they've agreed upon and that the agreement is not unconscionable.

If your lawyer draws up the papers keep the original or, if necessary, give it to the settlement officer and keep a copy. Also, make sure the terms of your agreement become part of your legally binding divorce decree.

10. Raise all Issues.
When you're in a settlement conference be certain to raise all issues relative to your divorce at that time. Don't hold back on information, special considerations, fees, or any other item you want to discuss or negotiate with your spouse.

Other issues might include attorney's fees, special needs of children associated with child support and child custody, restraining orders, police documents, etc. Whatever is pertinent to your case should be discussed or at least raised during this conference. If a settlement is reached, generally speaking, you can't go back later for something you forgot. Being organized, rested, and prepared for your settlement conference is essential.

Divorce is a struggle for most people involved. Putting emotions aside, focusing on the facts, knowing your priorities, and understanding the law is crucial to getting what you want and deserve in divorce proceedings.
                             
Take your time, do your homework, have a positive attitude, and keep in mind the stress won't last forever. If you take the time to succeed now you'll save yourself years of potential stress later.

This article is not legal or financial advice. You should contact a lawyer, accountant and/or financial professional in your state to discuss the specifics or your case and applicable laws.

« Back to Courtroom