13 things it took nationally syndicated columnist Dave Barry over 50+ years to learn. My favorite is number 13 (of course)!
1. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be meetings.”
2. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
3. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
4. You should not confuse your career with your life.
5. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
6. Never lick a steak knife.
7. One of the most destructive forces in the universe is gossip.
8. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
9. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
11. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, it that, deep inside, we all believe that we are above average drivers.
11. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person.
12. Your friends love you anyway.
13. Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes; and it’s up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
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I too love #13. I have wonderful memories of Dave Barry when I lived in Miami and his column was the highlight (with the weekly Sunday NY Times crossword being a close second) of reading the weekly (now defunct) Tropic Magazine.
I once wrote a letter commenting on a column of his recounting his trip to a clothing store with his wife and her obsession with sizes, taking anything labeled a 6 and eschewing anything labeled 8 or higher. I wrote, “Congratulations to Dave Barry’s wife…because not only can she now fit into a size 6, but she has a husband who can broadcast that fact in his nationally syndicated column.”
We later found out that his second wife was a high school friend of my husband’s, so we briefly met Dave Barry (who felt clearly uncomfortable being many years older than most of the attendees) at my husband’s 20th class reunion.
I like #1, #2, and #9. He’s got quit a wit.
My TT this week is #65. It is My 13 favorite James Bond Movies Stop by if you get a chance.
These are great! (Except I love Daylight Savings Time). But oh, how I agree about meetings!
Stop by my TT when you get a moment.
I like number nine and number eleven. Although I don’t think I’m a good driver. In fact I’m keenly aware of being a terrible driver.
Brilliant! I’ll keep DST though, I wish we could have it last all year long!
I saw this list a while ago and I had cause to remember #11 soon after, as someone I was with demonstrated how very true it is. #7 is very true. re #13, I wonder if people would be so har-har if it was a joke about stomping the crap out of women. Something of a double standard there.
Nicholas,
Thanks for stopping by and commenting on the blog. As to number 13 – it is made in good humor and there are no double standards here. I’m sure it could apply to some women – and we love all good men!
Helene