When a practicing Christian divorces, the pain can be especially sharp. After all, some churches excommunicate people whose marriages end. Still others may treat divorcees like social pariahs. And more than a few of our friends in the faith may seem to consider divorce “contagious.” They scatter, leaving us breathless and alone just when we need their support and reassuring hugs most!
Everyone within the gravitational pull of a divorce gets wobbly for a while. It’s natural. Just don’t let the wobble stop you. Keep moving!
Things to Remember:
Don’t isolate. You’re not the “sore thumb” in church that you think you are. Probably half (or more) of the adults in your congregation are either going through the same thing, or have been through the same thing. Some of them have seen the public notice of your dissolution of marriage in the newspaper and know how to help you get through the trauma and the turmoil you’re feeling. So don’t isolate. Other believers can enter your life and help you learn to survive and even to thrive after a time… but you must make yourself available. Don’t stay home!
Don’t commit. To anything or anyone new right now, except to divorce care and counseling at your church (or elsewhere, if such counseling isn’t available at your place of worship). Although you want your hurt and confusion to end NOW (yesterday would be even better!), you need time to heal, to learn, to grow, and to know that you can make it on your own.
Take time to do a post-mortem on the marriage. Try to review what went wrong as objectively as possible. Did the divorce come as a surprise, or were you half-expecting it? Were there earlier signs or symptoms you didn’t see, but that you see clearly now in hindsight? Do you feel gut-punched, or a wee bit of relief that it’s finally coming to an end?
Only when you can see clearly, and accept the situation exactly as it is, should you try to move forward. A marriage post mortem can give you wisdom you may not otherwise gain. And any wisdom you add will be a pearl of great price should you decide to commit your heart to someone else down the road.
Don’t ever forget that you are the apple of God’s eye. He wants you to climb onto His lap, snuggle against His heart, and just breathe until you realize that you are safe. He knew you in your mother’s womb, and long before you were even a twinkle in your father’s eye. He loves you without limit. And that is the kind of love you were made for. Anything else (as you are discovering the hard way) pales in comparison. God is with you for keeps. View the rest of your alliances as “just cream on the coffee.” Nice to have, but not essential to your happiness.
Points of view or opinions expressed in this article are those of the guest author, Kristine M. Smith. Kristine M Smith is indebted to the healing ministry of DivorceCare™ for many of the insights and for many of the resource materials expressed herein. Visit DivorceCare for more information. The points of view of the author have not been adopted or endorsed by The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide.
