For me, the hardest part of divorce was keeping my head on straight. I’ll give you an example. When I got divorced for the second time, my ex-husband decided to clean out our checking account. At the time, most of our account contained money my uncle had given me to help pay for my next semester in college. I was livid when I found out what my ex had done. I wanted to rip him up. I wanted everything, including his precious new pickup truck. He eventually put the money back into the account, but it took a court order to get him to do it.
Divorce is such an emotional experience that property settlements and custody arrangements can become a big game of “that’s mine, and that might be yours if you’re nice to me.” But thankfully, and in spite of the things my ex-husband did, someone helped me to realize that gouging him in the eyes wouldn’t really serve a purpose, and asking for the pickup truck wasn’t going to fly with the judge. I already had a car and what would I do with that big thing that I had a hard time driving anyway?
What did I learn from my ex-husband draining the accounts and my wanting revenge? I learned that some arguments are easily settled by logic (i.e. some things just don’t belong to you). I also learned that when you’re fighting over something you both have an interest in, whether it’s your children, the house or business, you have to put your emotions aside long enough to think logically. You have to keep your wits about you and make smart choices that could define your future.
Lucy Spencer is a freelance writer, encourager, and tax preparer who has survived three divorces and a custody battle with her confidence intact. She is happily remarried and lives in Indiana with her husband and their cat.
