There’s a lot to be said for making out a will when you don’t want any arguments over your things after you’re gone. It may sound creepy, but the same goes for your marriage. You want to be prepared in case the ship goes down, especially due to the crash of a divorce. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have faith in your relationship. It just means that you’re being practical.
I say this because divorce can be worse for women who never saw it coming. You know someone like this. She is completely comfortable at home while her husband works 12-hour days. She keeps the house clean, looks after the kids, and takes care of her husband. If he hints about being unhappy, she panics a little, but she stays in denial. When he leaves, she has no idea what to do next. She never needed to know – her husband always took care of everything else.
If you’re still married and nobody has filed for divorce, do what you can to get your assets in both of your names. Pay attention when he manages the bills or when he has to sign something. Get a part-time job to keep your foot in the door of opportunity – just in case. Be ready to jump into the saddle of running the household if necessary.
If you are in the middle of a divorce, listen to your attorney and your accountant carefully. Don’t let emotions get in the way of good sense. Read everything they give you before signing it, and compare it to what you have been told. Keep asking questions if something doesn’t make sense. Those papers will determine your immediate future – once you sign something, it’s a pain in the neck (and the checkbook) to change the terms later.
If you are already divorced, take stock of your surroundings and begin to make it work. Get control. Keep the money coming in, protect your assets, get help when you need it, and step up when you see something that needs to be done. Most of all stop moping and smile! This is a great chance to reinvent yourself. Who did you want to be when you were a kid? Who do you want to be now? You get to make the decisions now – make them good ones!
Lucy Spencer is a freelance writer, encourager, and tax preparer who has survived three divorces and a custody battle with her confidence intact. She is happily remarried and lives in Indiana with her husband and their cat.
