During divorce it is common for conversations between spouses to become tense, teary or impossible to manage. Unfortunately, however, communicating with your spouse may be necessary to finalize your divorce, or, if you have children, to continue co-parenting together. If you are in a tense situation, use any one, or a combination of these methods for communicating with your husband.
1. U.S. Mail
PROS: You can say anything to your husband without seeing or speaking with him in person.
CONS: Your letter may be used as evidence in your divorce.
TIPS: Never write a letter that could hurt your divorce case.
2. Email
PROS: You can say anything to your husband whenever you want without seeing or speaking to him in person and he can respond instantaneously.
CONS: You may become obsessed with your email account, checking it constantly for a response, and your email may be used as evidence in your divorce.
TIPS: Choose your words very carefully and leave emotion, blame and potentially damaging statements out of your message. Think Mel Gibson.
3. Telephone
PROS: You can have a dialogue with your husband and receive immediate feedback.
CONS: You have to speak with your husband.
TIPS: Keep your conversations business like and be ready and able to say “NO” if necessary.
4. In Person
PROS: You can have a dialogue with your husband and if you come to an agreement during your discussion, you can put it in writing and your husband can sign and date the document.
CONS: You have to see and speak with your husband.
TIPS: Meet in a neutral place and avoid emotional or angry confrontations.
5. Through Your Divorce Lawyer
PROS: Your lawyer can do the dirty work and you don’t have to see or speak with your husband.
CONS: It will cost you $$$.
TIPS: Don’t ask your lawyer to communicate with your husband’s lawyer about trivial matters or if you must, prepare a list of issues that can be dealt with at once to reduce the number of times your lawyer must call or write letters on your behalf.
This article is not legal advice. You should consult an attorney if you have legal questions that relate to your specific divorce.
I’ve tried all of these and have had varying success with each. It depends on the topic and whether or not my ex feels like responding or discussing it or talking to me in general. Anything too “heavy” or “hard” I do by e-mail and get no response. Or if he’s drunk. No response. If its something he wants or initiates then he’s happy to discuss it. In general, its hard to get a response out of the passive-aggressive personality! Ugh!
One more mode I would add would be texting. That is probably the easiest for me personally and what I use the most
Thanks for adding texting, Michelle. It can work for very basic communication, but is usually not best for any “heavy” stuff.
My husband’s lawyer has told him never to talk to me under any circumstances and that’s what he is abiding by. So, we haven’t talked at all during the divorce. All it’s done is hurt me terribly since we were married for thirty six years and talked about everything. Now, he’s totally shut me out and he didn’t even ask me for a divorce. I just got the papers at my door. No communication at all since. It’s only been through lawyers. He’s become hateful and horrible. He ‘s shut himself off from the grandkids and his kids. I’m very disappointed in him for doing this and everyone is shocked about it. I don’t understand why his lawyer is telling him not to talk to me unless she’s afraid he’s going to reconcile. What an awful person she must be to do this and only care about the money. I’m really asking for advice on how to get him to talk to me. However, no contact has made me miss him more, so maybe he’s missing me too. I doubt that because if he felt 1/2 as bad as I do , then he’d come around and call or come back and stop this stupid divorce which is going to tear everyone apart financially and emotionally- it already has.