Recently, Ms. Vova took time out of her busy schedule to answer The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide questions about divorce.

1. What are the grounds for divorce in your state? In Florida, the only ground necessary is an allegation that the marriage is “irretrievably broken.”

2. Does fault (such as infidelity or domestic violence) affect the outcome of a divorce in your state? If so, how? Generally speaking, no. Florida is a “no fault” divorce state.

3. If a woman is preparing for divorce what, if anything, can she do to improve the outcome of her case? She should have a clear picture of the parties’ financial situation so her attorney has a good start evaluating the case and advising her accordingly. Sometimes I suggest that a woman come in for “prophylactic” divorce planning. A one-hour consultation with a lawyer before making any legal moves, is well worth the investment.

4. What are some of the biggest obstacles women face in divorce? Finding the right attorney. If a woman (or man) finds an attorney that understands her situation, then it is easier to address potential obstacles and come up with viable solutions.

5. When should a woman take her case to trial? When shouldn’t she? There is again, no hard and fast rule. However, in general, when the settlement offer is so bad that there is no possible way a woman could do worse in court, she should proceed to trial. A case shouldn’t go to trial when the costs outweigh the benefits. This analysis must be done on a case-by-case basis.

6. How can a woman make divorce easier on her children? A woman can make divorce easier on her children by remembering that no matter how bad the situation is with her husband, that her children are entitled to have both a mother and a father, regardless of the adult’s decision to divorce. This, of course, must be tempered by instances where being with the father is a TRUE danger to the children.

7. What qualities should a woman look for in a divorce lawyer? Women should look for recommendations from friends and professionals (counselors) that they trust. A woman should speak with an attorney on the phone and see if it is someone who sounds genuinely interested in her situation. A face-to-face meeting is also important. Does the attorney respect your privacy? Does the attorney give you his or her undivided attention (i.e.: not take interruptions from staff or phone calls while you are there). A prospective client should also ask about the attorney’s experience, and it is perfectly acceptable to ask for references. Even though there is attorney-client confidentiality, most attorneys have clients who are willing to speak with a prospective client. One can also check with the state bar (in Florida) for the attorney’s disciplinary record.

8. What should a woman do if she disagrees with her divorce lawyer’s recommendations? She should ask for the attorney’s reasons for the recommendations in writing so she can evaluate them. Moreover, if she is really uncomfortable with the situation she should consult with another attorney. Divorce is a very emotionally charged time for anyone, and sometimes it is difficult to see clearly when you’re the person affected. A second opinion may either affirm that you are getting good advice, or indicate that your gut feeling was correct. Either way, it leaves less room for doubt on decisions that will so significantly impact a person’s life.

9. If you could impart any of your wisdom to a woman who is going through divorce, what would it be? Stay focused. Discuss matters with your attorney. Don’t look at the process as a fight. Look at it as a way to resolve issues that need resolving and a temporary bridge to cross in beginning a new life.

This article is not legal advice. You should consult an attorney if you have questions that relate to your divorce and finances.

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Recently Ms. Brodzki took time out of her busy schedule to answer The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide’s questions about divorce.

1. What are the grounds for divorce in your state? Florida is a no-fault divorce state. The only grounds for divorce are “irreconcilable differences.” Only one party has to want the divorce.

2. Does fault (such as infidelity or domestic violence) affect the outcome of a divorce in your state? If so, how? Infidelity and domestic violence can have effects on certain aspects of a divorce. If a spouse squanders marital assets on a paramour, the amounts spent can be assessed against their share of the marital assets. Domestic violence, while having no direct impact on the equitable distribution of the marital assets, can impact visitation and custody, as well as possession of the marital residence during the proceedings.

3. If a woman is preparing for divorce what, if anything, can she do to improve the outcome of her case? Knowledge is power. Become familiar with the nature and extent of all of your assets and liabilities. Make copies of bank and credit card statements. Keep a divorce journal, either hand-written or on your computer. Keep a record of everything that happens that could impact your divorce. Consult a financial advisor. Get legal advice early on in the process (known as pre-divorce planning).

4. What are some of the biggest obstacles women face in divorce? Women are often woefully uninformed about basic financial matters and have a hard time overcoming their fears about dealing with them. They also find it challenging to treat the divorce like a business transaction, which it ultimately is. Finally, women have difficulty accepting the loss of some of the autonomy and control that they previously enjoyed over child-rearing decisions. They fear how the children will fare when they are in the sole care of their father.

5. When should a woman take her case to trial? When shouldn’t she?
Divorces should never go to trial. Unfortunately, it is sometimes unavoidable because people are often stubborn, unreasonable and unwilling to compromise. There are times when the husband’s position on settlement is so unreasonable that it prevents the case from settling before trial. It is critical to have an attorney that you trust implicitly to advise you when a trial is in your best interest.

6. How can a woman make divorce easier on her children? To minimize the impact on your children, settle your issues amicably and avoid inflammatory behavior during the process. Never speak ill of their father no matter what he does or fails to do, and avoid using the children as messengers. Take the high road and your children will respect you in the end. Accept that you can’t control what your husband is going to do or how he’s going to behave, and focus only on your own behavior. Counseling can be invaluable for both you and your children. Take care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually during this enormously stressful time so that you can continue to be a supportive, loving parent to your children.

7. What qualities should a woman look for in a divorce lawyer? When you have the initial consultation with your lawyer, you should feel comfortable in his or her presence and not intimidated. You should make sure that your lawyer practices either exclusively or primarily in the area of family law in order to ensure that he or she is well-versed in the most recent developments in the field. You should ask the lawyer what percentage of his or her cases ends up in trial. If the answer is greater than twenty percent then you might want to find another lawyer, unless spending $25,000 or more on your divorce is what you had in mind. But primarily, the lawyer/client relationship is very personal and you will be sharing many intimate details of your life with this person. Trust and confidence are the most important ingredients in that relationship.

8. What should a woman do if she disagrees with her divorce lawyer’s recommendations? It really depends on the nature of the disagreement. The easiest thing to do is to get a second opinion from another attorney. But ultimately, the client makes the decisions and the lawyer simply has to play out the cards that the client gives him/her. But if you have a good lawyer, you will be disregarding his or her advice at your own peril.

9. If you could impart any of your wisdom to a woman who is going through divorce, what would it be? Whether you initiated this divorce or not, take charge of your life now. Get informed. You don’t have to be a financial genius to copy your records. If you can’t understand them, take them to an accountant, financial planner or your attorney and they will help you figure them out. Don’t become a victim of your own fear. And please, keep the children out of it. They don’t need to hear about what a *#@^ their father is. After all, they’re half “him,” and when you put him down, you’re really putting them down.

10. Are there any divorce books or resources that you would like to recommend to women going through divorce? If so, please list them below. My personal favorite is “Crazy Time” by Abigail Trafford.

This article is not legal advice. You should consult an attorney if you have questions that relate to your divorce and finances.

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