As mentioned before, God “forgets” our sin the moment we confess it to Him, and remembers it no more.  (Have you confessed it to him?  If not, what are you waiting for?)

Once you’ve confessed, you’re off the hook.  Your past is past.  Read 1 John 1:8-10.  Do you see any exceptions in this verse?  Any sins that are not forgiven?  Clean as a whistle, you are!

Now read Hebrews 8:12.  For how long after He has forgiven your sin does God remember your sin?  Not even one nanosecond.  He hasn’t just run a marker through it to obliterate it – he has erased it entirely! He sees is no more, as if it had never occurred.

Do you deserve this level of grace?  No!  Did you earn this level of grace? No!

He gave it as a free gift. It’s yours because you asked to be His, and you asked Him to forgive you.

But please remember that while God forgives your sin, He may lead you to make restitution or to reconcile with the people you have sinned against.  Listen to His urgings; don’t deny them, and don’t delay them should you hear them. You’ll feel His love right alongside his urgings.

If you’re divorced through no fault or doing of your own, read the parable of the good Samaritan Luke 10:30-36. Place yourself in the role of the man attacked by robbers.  Did God punish the man attacked?  Neither will he punish you. In fact, you may be provided help by God by way of contemporary good Samaritans, because He knows your story and he knows of your need.

What About Divorce? Dr Spiros Zodhiates

Kristine M. Smithis indebted to the healing ministry of DivorceCare™ for many of the insights and for many of the resource materials expressed herein. Visit DivorceCare for more information. Points of view or opinions expressed in this article are those of the guest author, Kristine M. Smith. The points of view of the author have not been adopted or endorsed by The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide.

So you’ve filed for divorce. Never mind the agony it’s causing your spouse and the rest of your family. Life cannot resume its proper shape until you are married to THIS one instead of THAT one.

I’ll pray for you to come to your senses, and if you do, here’s what your life will look like for a while:

You’ll first seek forgiveness, then restitution (emotional and/or financial). You’ll show mercy to receive mercy. You’ll be honest. You’ll repent and remember the earlier days and ways of loving and treating your spouse, when he or she felt most loved by you, even if you don’t get an immediate return on your investment.

You’ll give your spouse time to come to grips with what has happened and to discern whether or not your repentance feels real, and whether or not they can find enough of God’s grace within their own heart to allow you to come home again. And don’t blame God for the time it takes them to reach some kind of resolution. He warned you about this doo-doo before you ever stepped in it. (Probably more than once!)

Your Relationship with God – Still Good as Gold and Good as His Blood!

However your situation ends – in a divorce or in a renewed commitment to making your marriage covenant work – always remember that God loves you, and that nothing is stronger than the blood that Jesus shed for you on the cross. Divorce is an incident, not a lifestyle. It’s not a permanent sin because God “forgets” our sin the moment we confess it to Him, and remembers it no more. (Have you confessed it to him? If not, what are you waiting for?)

Everyone has broken God’s heart. It always mends. He’ll never leave or forsake you.

But it won’t be as hunky dory for your spouse for a very, very long time. Get used to it. You know how you’d feel if the table were turned, don’t you?

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come!”
2 COR 5:17

Resources:
And Marries Another, Dr Craig S Keener
Divorce and Remarriage, Guy Duty
Divorce and Remarriage (videotape), Dr Tony Evans
Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible, Jay E Adams
May I Divorce and Remarry? Dr Spiros Zodhiates
What About Divorce? Dr Spiros Zodhiates

Kristine M. Smithis indebted to the healing ministry of DivorceCare™ for many of the
insights and for many of the resource materials expressed herein. Visit
DivorceCare for more information. Points of view or opinions expressed in this article are those of the guest author, Kristine M. Smith. The points of view of the author have not been adopted or endorsed by The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide.

While we’re single, we can uncover all the facets of our individuality that make us separate and unique within God’s tapestry: our skills, talents, passions, abilities, energies and powers. As we do this, we develop such a sense of worth that we no longer have to depend on someone else to make us feel worthy. Too many people get married to find themselves, to complete themselves, to find their other half – a sure recipe for failure, if there ever was one!

Your singleness is not a problem for God.  He knows that now you have more time to spend with Him! The Lord specializes in coming to us when we’re alone and feeling fragile. Remember the woman at the well? John 4:7-30 He wants to communicate with us, and what better place and time do we have to hear Him than when we’re single, quiet and alone? Why not spend time with him in prayer and on long walks and let Him turn you into a masterpiece of His own making!

And while you’re single, take good care of yourself in other ways. Choose carefully who to spend time with.  Being wise in this one way will significantly impact your future for the better.  Stick with thoughtful, conscientious, engaging same-sex friends while you learn the many benefits of singleness until you feel fully healed and restored.  If you want to spend “innocent” time with the opposite sex, be sure each of you has additional friends in tow and that you do things that won’t lead you into temptation with each other.  Go ice skating, horseback riding, play paintball or mini golf in groups.  Join a Christian singles group at your church so there’s accountability accompanying all the fun you’ll have. But don’t let any of your relationships or associations define who you are.

If you can’t be content being single, you won’t find contentment should you elect to remarry.  Being content is not the product of any relationship other than the one you have with Christ.  He knows loneliness – He has been there (Matthew 26:36-40; 47-56;69-75; Matthew 27:45-46) – and He will never leave or forsake you.

To fill any perceived void in your life, consider the wisdom to be found in James 4:8; Psalm 147:3,6,11; Ephesians 3:16-20 (verse 19 might apply, as well). Then read Psalm 139:1-10

Loneliness Antidote: Read Isaiah 58:7-11. What is your role? (verses 7,9,10)  What’s the effect? (verses 8-11)

Resources:
Why Be Lonely? Dr Les Carter, Dr Paul Meier, Dr Frank Minirth
The Path of Loneliness, Elisabeth Elliot

Kristine M. Smithis indebted to the healing ministry of DivorceCare™ for many of the
insights and for many of the resource materials expressed herein. Visit
DivorceCare for more information. Points of view or opinions expressed in this article are those of the guest author, Kristine M. Smith. The points of view of the author have not been adopted or endorsed by The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide.

Causes of Loneliness

We feel lonely much of the time because we’re often isolated from events we used to enjoy (not feeling up to them) and people we used to hang with. And no one seems to understand what we have to say about our situation unless they’ve been through it themselves, so we can often talk ourselves out of engaging others and just elect to “get through it alone.”

We don’t feel valued. Because we aren’t engaging in activities or conversations and no one is pressuring us to do so (usually out of respect for our “space” during what they know are difficult times for us), we begin to feel undervalued and like excess baggage. When we aren’t receiving input from friends and loved ones, we begin to feel unlovable.

We may feel a sense of rejection, not just because we’ve been rejected in a divorce (or have rejected another), but because others seem uncomfortable around us. Perhaps they feel divorce is “contagious” and they don’t want to get close enough to “catch” it… or they don’t want to come across “too strong” and have their concern misunderstood… Or they just don’t know what to say, so they get quiet, or distracted, and avoid us even when we’re nearby. Rejection registers in our thoughts rather quickly when people steer clear of us for any reason.

It isn’t far from feeling isolated, undervalued and rejected before we begin to wonder of God, too, has forgotten about us. We feel disconnected. “Is anybody there? Does anybody care?”

Because we live in a couples-oriented society many of our usual haunts seem off-limits to us after a divorce. Two-for-one dinners. Buy one, get one free… but who needs the free one when there’s no one to share it with? Even Valentine’s Day becomes a quiet agony.

It feels almost like part of you has died. And it has. But don’t get bitter or depressed. And refuse to feel guilty! Don’t sleep around with opportunistic partners and regret it later just because you’re lonely. Don’t get down on yourself for any failings, real or imagined.

Because your resurrection day is just around the corner! More on that next time!

Kristine M. Smithis indebted to the healing ministry of DivorceCare™ for many of the
insights and for many of the resource materials expressed herein. Visit
DivorceCare for more information. Points of view or opinions expressed in this article are those of the guest author, Kristine M. Smith. The points of view of the author have not been adopted or endorsed by The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide.

The institution of marriage was inspired by God. This sacred covenant was intended to ensure that two people entering into a marriage were aware of the many responsibilities inherent in the contract. God revealed marriage to be a “one-flesh” arrangement: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife.” Genesis 2:24.

A marriage covenant was designed to be something more than a legal contract in today’s terminology. In biblical times, a covenant was consecrated by the blood of sacrificed animals, symbolically showing “May what was done to this beast be done to me if I fail to honor my covenant with you.”

Marriage is a contract between two people that makes divorcing each other tantamount to a physical amputation of a part of one’s own body. As such, it is never meant to be entered into on a whim or based on feelings which can flame and then flicker feebly like a candle in the drafty room.

Malachi 2:14 states: “…she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.” Because marriage is a covenant, we don’t get out of it simply because our feelings have changed, if we want to please God.

So when you elected to marry, the facts were before you in the marriage vows: You’ll have good and bad times (“in sickness and in health”) but as long as you live, you will be committed to your partner.

No one made you say your marriage vows, and in your vows you promised to stay with that person, regardless of the situation or their fortunes, forever. Period. You swore before God to remain faithful to your spouse, come hell or high water.

So God “hates” divorce. But fear not! He doesn’t hate you! He even allows it in certain circumstances. He allows divorce when hearts become hard; when adultery enters the picture, when a believer marries an unbeliever (if it’s the unbeliever who leaves) and in a few other situations.

God does not recognize “mutual incompatibility” or “irreconcilable differences” as a legitimate reason to divorce, even though American law does. Why? Because any time you put two sinners under the same roof, you’re firing the opening salvo to mutual incompatibility and irreconcilable differences! We’re fatally flawed by sin. As such, we’ll never be completely compatible or completely in accord with each other 100% of the time, or even 80% of the time. That’s precisely why marriage is so rarely a bed of roses. It’s a bed of lumps and bruises and calluses onto which fall some irreplaceable, lovely, precious moments.

As a follower of Jesus Christ, “We just don’t love each other anymore” and “mutual incompatibility” are not valid reasons to divorce. Why? Because if God treated us the way we deserve (“divorcing” us!), none of us would ever get to heaven! It is our “job” as Christians to forgive and to love each other “no matter what,” whether we feel like it or not.

But what about Spousal or Child Abuse, Alcohol, Evil Actions or Sins of Our Spouse? All of these fall under the category of “a hard heart.” When people’s hearts turn hard, they begin to abuse others and (usually) themselves.

A spouse has the right, even the responsibility, to withdraw from his or her marriage covenant whenever continuing the arrangement puts them or their children or other loved ones in harm’s way physically, emotionally, financially or spiritually. But if your life is not in imminent danger…stay put while you get counseling from a Christian professional.

Get Counseling from a Christian Professional

As Dr Phil so often says, “You should have to earn your way out of a marriage.” You do this by seeking wise, godly counsel with a Christian professional and recounting how you “fell out of love” with the person you married. You’re too close to the situation and to your own hurt or anger to know whether you can or should be reconciled. If your spouse has committed adultery, you are within your rights to seek a divorce, but… as a Christian it’s your duty to forgive him or her. The duty of forgiveness is greater than the right to divorce. That’s a hard lesson, but the only one Christ teaches. Divorce should be hard, not easy.

Pray for your circumstances because divorce always involves sin, although not necessarily by both parties. Although the innocent party is free to remarry, usually he or she doesn’t want the marriage to end at all. The first question that should be asked is this one: “Can we fix what’s broken?”

Pray for forgiveness, because whether you’re the guilty party or the innocent one, what’s going through your mind is polluted by unholy thoughts and knee-jerk assumptions, many of which are unhealthy and unhelpful illusions.

Resources:
And Marries Another, Dr Craig S Keener
Divorce and Remarriage, Guy Duty
Divorce and Remarriage (videotape), Dr Tony Evans
Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible, Jay E Adams
May I Divorce and Remarry? Dr Spiros Zodhiates
What About Divorce? Dr Spiros Zodhiates

Kristine M. Smithis indebted to the healing ministry of DivorceCare™ for many of the
insights and for many of the resource materials expressed herein. Visit
DivorceCare for more information. Points of view or opinions expressed in this article are those of the guest author, Kristine M. Smith. The points of view of the author have not been adopted or endorsed by The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide.

Doesn’t sound very Christ-like, does it?  But Christ, too, got angry, and yet never sinned.  As His image-bearers, so can we.

When angry, you’re feeling either “righteous anger” or “unrighteous anger.”   What’s the difference?  Let’s look at some of the many times when God shows “righteous anger” in the Bible.  (P.S.  When God is angry, it’s always righteous, because He is pure and holy, without blemish.)  So anger is not always a sin, as we’ll discover. But it sure as heck can trigger unrighteous sin if it becomes “unconscious” and we allow ourselves to strike out like an animal or speak out “as one demon-possessed.”

Read Numbers 32:13.  God’s anger burned against the Israelites for 40 years during the wilderness wanderings, until all those who angered him were gone.  Or read Joshua 23:16.  When some of God’s chosen people worshipped other gods, those who did so were unable to inherit the Promised Land.  And what about when Jesus chased the money changers from the Temple in Jerusalem, proclaiming that His Father’s house was a place of reverence and worship, not a gathering place for corrupt money changers and dens of thieves?  God even commended Hosea to marry an adulterous woman and love her “anyway,” as her actions simply mirrored and spotlighted the faithlessness of His own bride, Israel.

But in Exodus 34:6, we learn that God’s anger is “slow.”  It doesn’t come from a flashpoint of ill-considered passion or from a wounded ego.  In the same verse, God’s compassionate, gracious abundance of love and faithfulness is also spotlighted.  It is possible to be “abounding in love and faithfulness” during a divorce.  Not easy, but possible.  We do this in the same way that God revealed: By being slow to anger. By being gracious and compassionate even to those who have caused us grievous hurt and sorrow.  The choice is truly ours.  Will we allow ourselves to “lose control” (relinquish control to our passions) or will we doggedly elect to retain control of the divine impulse to love and forgive that guides us when we’re less in a mess emotionally?

By allowing ourselves to lose control (and yes, we do allow it; we are in control of our passions unless we’re mentally ill), we stir up even more dissention, which stirs up increased anger, and this “unrighteous anger” then induces us to commit acts of “unrighteous”  (sinful) anger: mean-spirited berating, perhaps even physical violence.  (See Proverbs 29:22 and 30:33).  Proverbs 29:11 contrasts the difference between someone who controls his or her anger and someone who “lets it all hang out.”

Next time we’ll discuss how to control anger so it does its job without causing a scorched earth path of destruction.

Resources
The Anger Workbook, Dr Les Carter and Dr. Frank Minirth
When Anger Hits Home, Gary Jackson Oliver and H. Norman Wright

Kristine M. Smith
is indebted to the healing ministry of DivorceCare™ for many of the
insights and for many of the resource materials expressed herein. Visit
DivorceCare for more information. Points of view or opinions expressed in this article are those of the guest author, Kristine M. Smith. The points of view of the author have not been adopted or endorsed by The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide.

Truth is, you’re not thinking clearly… nor should you expect to be.  But that doesn’t mean you should assume “anything goes!”  In fact, what it means is, “Find a safe haven as quickly and judiciously as you can!” because if you let your wounded heart lead the way, it will lead you to more wounding.  And you’ve had enough of that, haven’t you?

Your First Smart Stop:  Church!  Your church is a veritable hospital for wounded, struggling people.  (A familiar joke goes this way: “Don’t look for a perfect church, because if you find it and join, you’ll ruin it!”)  You can’t heal without Christ and His people in your life, even though your pew partners are equally wounded in one way or another. (Christ was wounded, too, as you know, and retains the scars.) Because the rawness of our feelings can cause us to look for love in all the wrong places, making sure that you come to the right place on a weekly basis (or more often) is a smart start to your quest. At church, you will be reminded how much God loves you and how He wants to bless you, and what you can do to help ensure you receive His blessing.  You shouldn’t be looking for any other kind of relationship until you’re on very firm footing with the one you acknowledge as your Savior and King.

Emotionally, close to 85% of your energy is probably being consumed by emotions: loneliness, despair, anxiety, depression, fears.  Taking yourself anywhere but to church while you’re feeling this way is risky behavior.  When you’re feeling needy, be afraid… be very afraid… of where your feelings can take you. Call a good Christian friend and go have a cup of coffee or a salad.  Don’t engage in risky behaviors with secular or Christian friends or strangers.  Pay close attention to your intuition.  If something intuitively feels even remotely flaky, it probably is. “He will give His angels charge concerning you, to guard you in all your ways.”

Don’t hide the fact that you’re separating or divorcing.  Isolation can damage your ability to find healthy, necessary outlets. Build a support system of family, friends, and people from church so that you have a foundation on which a core of stability can begin to reassert itself.

Financially, it becomes very tempting to “buy yourself some comfort” out of all proportion to what your budget looks like when you’re “sane.”  And instead of keeping the same budget you had while you were married, try to get by on a smaller budget – 20-40% less than when you were married.  Put away the credit cards except for truly legitimate purposes.  (Starbucks and a third pair of shoes don’t qualify. These are luxuries, not necessities. I promise: you won’t perish without them!)

Get creative. Exchange your skill for another’s: if you’re a website guru, build or enhance your plumber’s website in exchange for his or her services. To cut down on expenses, get a (same gender) roommate. (Be sure your Christian ethics and lifestyles are of the same cloth.) Close to home, use your bicycle to get around instead of your car, or walk.  The exercise will raise your endorphins and lift your spirits as it helps lower your risks of many kinds of illnesses and diseases. Learn to discern between needs and wants.

Bottom Line: God has promised to provide us with everything we need, but not with everything we want.  When we learn to rest in His provision, it’s amazing how often all the rest of our wants are added to the bounty He provides to us as his beloved children.

Resources
Psalm 91, Old Testament (in its entirety)
A Path Through Suffering, Elisabeth Elliot
Fresh Start Divorce Recovery Workbook, Bob Burns and Tom Whiteman
Life After Divorce, Dr Jim Talley
Single Again Handbook
Single, Married, Separated; Life After Divorce, DR Myles Munroe
To Walk and Not Grow Weary, Fran Sciacca
When the Vow Breaks, Joseph Kniskern
When Your Son or Daughter is Going Through a Divorce, Dr Thomas Whiteman; Debbie Barr

Kristine M. Smith is indebted to the healing ministry of DivorceCare™ for many of the insights and for many of the resource materials expressed herein. Visit DivorceCare for more information. Points of view or opinions expressed in this article are those of the guest author, Kristine M. Smith. The points of view of the author have not been adopted or endorsed by The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide.

You end up with a broken heart, a broken spirit and a pained soul.  Only God can truly heal what ails you now.  Oh, you may feel driven to look other places for your healing, but it will be a quixotic adventure, doomed to failure (and repeated heartbreak), unless you return to His side, humble yourself, and listen to what your circumstances and He will show you (without condemnation and via immense love) if you will only give them the chance.

There are six stages of loss: shock, grief, blame, acceptance/goodbye, rebuilding, and resolution.  They don’t always occur in this particular order, but each stage nearly always happens as we limp our way back to wholeness and meaning.

You’ve already experienced the shock part if you’ve accessed this website looking for information and help.  In the shock phase – which can last from five or six days to five or six weeks – you feel numb, colorless, perhaps even invisible or half-deaf.  You feel this way because your God-given nervous system is enveloping you in a cocoon of chemical comfort, allowing you enough time to come to grips with a stark new reality.

Following the shock phase, you begin to mourn the difficult loss.  Something important has died, whether you chose to end it or not and (especially if you didn’t choose it) it’s truly devastating. During this phase you’ll be stalked and ambushed by grief. Even when you least expect the assault, it will come, seemingly out of nowhere, leaving you alternately anxious, angry and fearful.  This grief rocks your world. You may not be able to eat, or sleep, or retain information.

Next up: blame.  You may blame your ex-spouse or yourself.  You analyze the situation from every angle and try to discern who “should” take the hardest hit for the disaster that has befallen you. If you remain stuck in this phase for a long time, the blame can turn to resentment and then to bitterness that can last for decades, harming no one so much as yourself.

In the next phase, you begin to let reality take its actual shape.  You start to accept the circumstances you find yourself in and begin to say goodbye to the dream of reconciliation and of “happily ever after” with your ex. Life becomes teary again.  The anger is gone.  You realize that what has taken place will not kill you, but it will change you.  It’s a sad time because at last you’re able and willing to say goodbye, and mean it, without rancor.

From this platform your vision of building anew over a new foundation begins to take shape. You feel a sense of hope and direction. You spend much more time looking forward instead of backward.  Life seems brighter and quite amenable again. Your smile returns and the spring returns to your step. Your energy level significantly improves.

At the end of these phases, you’ll reach resolution. You’ll recognize there’s meaning to life beyond the passing of this era in your life.

Bottom Line: In the end you’ll discover that only God’s love, beating from within your own heart and the hearts of those who love you without limit, can heal you of your broken heart.

Resources
Healing for Damaged Emotions, Dr David Seamands
Healing for the Empty Heart, Marion Duckworth
Inside Out, Dr. Larry Crabb
Lord, Heal My Hurts, Kay Arthur
Recovering From the Losses of Life, H. Norman Wright
Kristine M. Smith is indebted to the healing ministry of DivorceCare™ for many of the insights and for many of the resource materials expressed herein. Visit DivorceCare for more information. Points of view or opinions expressed in this article are those of the guest author, Kristine M. Smith. The points of view of the author have not been adopted or endorsed by The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide.

It isn’t at all uncommon to think we’re dying: Heart palpitations, unmitigated fears, sweaty palms.  We’re not dying, but we are grieving a death.

It’s important to be gentle with ourselves and with those we know are sharing similar fates. Divorce hurts. It saps our energy. It makes us feel shaky and volatile. It makes us mad and it makes us sad. After all, we’ve lost something that seemed so right at one time in our lives.

At times like these, it helps to know that what we’re feeling is (gasp!) normal.  Don’t expect too much from yourself or from other people. Don’t expect – or even try to attain – rapid recovery. You have experienced an amputation and — as with a physical amputation — it takes time to find a new way to balance, to stand, and to walk with confidence again.

You will recover.  Be assured of this.  Tape the assurance on your mirror so you can see it every day. And as you pass through the wilderness and into dark valleys, know that Jesus is at your side every step of the way.  He promised, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” What you have received from your Savior is a gift:  You didn’t earn it and you can’t lose it.  It’s yours forever! Reconnect to His love by frequently opening your Bible to read the 66 love letters (Genesis through Revelation) that He has placed there for you to find and embrace. Always talk to Him as you would a trusted friend – because He is!

When you feel anxious (or afraid, or lonely, or angry) look up the term in the index of your Bible and read the passages that promise relief, such as this one regarding anxiety: Philippians 4:6: ”Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Then look for an antidote to your anxiety within other passages, like this one from Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Bottom Line: Rock-solid happiness, joy and contentment aren’t found inside marriage. None of these are based in any human relationship. True joy can only be found in Christ. Real contentment is being content to be cherished by Christ alone, who fulfills every real need we have.

Resources
Psalm 91, Old Testament (in its entirety)
A Path Through Suffering, Elisabeth Elliot
Fresh Start Divorce Recovery Workbook, Bob Burns and Tom Whiteman
Life After Divorce, Dr Jim Talley
Single Again Handbook
Single, Married, Separated & Life After Divorce, DR Myles Munroe
To Walk and Not Grow Weary, Fran Sciacca
When the Vow Breaks, Joseph Kniskern
When Your Son or Daughter is Going Through a Divorce, Dr Thomas Whiteman & Debbie Barr

Kristine M. Smith is indebted to the healing ministry of DivorceCare™ for many of the insights and for many of the resource materials expressed herein. Visit DivorceCare for more information. Points of view or opinions expressed in this article are those of the guest author, Kristine M. Smith. The points of view of the author have not been adopted or endorsed by The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide.

It will take about five years on average.  During this time, loneliness or despair can drive divorcees in the wrong direction: to bars, to drugs, and to other unsavory venues where people gather to share laughs and good times and to forget their current troubles… in all the wrong ways.

The problem with this is obvious: bars and many other venues encourage us to anesthetize ourselves with chemicals and unsavory overnight liaisons.  In trying to inoculate ourselves against the hurt and the loneliness we feel, we can fall victim to situations that will brutalize us even further. Human predators are cagey opportunists. They know their odds increase exponentially whenever a person’s self-control is compromised by alcohol, drugs or smooth talk.

When we are dealing with our divorce in a sane and healthy manner, we instead choose a safe “gathering place” where no one will take advantage of our vulnerabilities, and where we will be honored, refreshed and restored. That place, for most Christians, is church.  It can also be our kids’ ball park, the lake, a skating rink, or a movie with friends.  But public venues are fun places for the most part; any sadness or melancholy we experience may feel out of place there, and an imposition on others. Church is one of the few places where we can sigh, and cry and want to die without wondering if we’re raining on someone else’s parade.

Psalm 91:14-15 “Those who love Him He will rescue and protect. He will hear those who call and will be with him in times of trouble to deliver and honor him.”

Church is where God and His people gather to restore and protect each other. It is a sanctuary where tears can be safely shed, secrets can be safely shared, and hope can be renewed and restored.

Points of view or opinions expressed in this article are those of the guest author, Kristine M. Smith. Kristine M Smith is indebted to the healing ministry of DivorceCare™ for many of the insights and for many of the resource materials expressed herein. Visit DivorceCare for more information. The points of view of the author have not been adopted or endorsed by The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide.