the modern woman's divorce guide

It’s a hard answer, but a straight answer.

It will take about five years on average.  During this time, loneliness or despair can drive divorcees in the wrong direction: to bars, to drugs, and to other unsavory venues where people gather to share laughs and good times and to forget their current troubles… in all the wrong ways.

The problem with this is obvious: bars and many other venues encourage us to anesthetize ourselves with chemicals and unsavory overnight liaisons.  In trying to inoculate ourselves against the hurt and the loneliness we feel, we can fall victim to situations that will brutalize us even further. Human predators are cagey opportunists. They know their odds increase exponentially whenever a person’s self-control is compromised by alcohol, drugs or smooth talk.

When we are dealing with our divorce in a sane and healthy manner, we instead choose a safe “gathering place” where no one will take advantage of our vulnerabilities, and where we will be honored, refreshed and restored. That place, for most Christians, is church.  It can also be our kids’ ball park, the lake, a skating rink, or a movie with friends.  But public venues are fun places for the most part; any sadness or melancholy we experience may feel out of place there, and an imposition on others. Church is one of the few places where we can sigh, and cry and want to die without wondering if we’re raining on someone else’s parade.

Psalm 91:14-15 “Those who love Him He will rescue and protect. He will hear those who call and will be with him in times of trouble to deliver and honor him.”

Church is where God and His people gather to restore and protect each other. It is a sanctuary where tears can be safely shed, secrets can be safely shared, and hope can be renewed and restored.

Points of view or opinions expressed in this article are those of the guest author, Kristine M. Smith. Kristine M Smith is indebted to the healing ministry of DivorceCare™ for many of the insights and for many of the resource materials expressed herein. Visit DivorceCare for more information. The points of view of the author have not been adopted or endorsed by The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide.