What is the best way to communicate with my Husband during Divorce?
In the midst of divorce it is common for conversations between spouses to become tense, teary or impossible to manage. Unfortunately, however, you probably need to relay and receive messages from your spouse in order to finalize your divorce, and, if you have children, it will be next to impossible to avoid interactions. So, you will need to establish the best method for communicating with your husband in order to make your life as uncomplicated as possible, and we just happen to have five “how-to” suggestions for you.
1. Via U.S. Mail
PROS: You can say anything to your husband without seeing or speaking with him in person.
CONS: Your letter may be used as evidence in your divorce.
TIPS: Never write a letter that could hurt your divorce case.
2. Via Email
PROS: You can say anything to your husband whenever you want without seeing or speaking to him in person and he can respond instantaneously.
CONS: You may become obsessed with your email account, checking it constantly for a response, and your email may be used as evidence in your divorce.
TIPS: Choose your words very carefully and leave emotion, blame and potentially damaging statements out of your message.
3. Via Telephone
PROS: You can have a dialogue with your husband and receive immediate feedback.
CONS: You have to speak with your husband.
TIPS: Keep your conversations business like and be ready and able to say “NO” if necessary.
4. In Person
PROS: You can have a dialogue with your husband and if you come to an agreement during your discussion, you can put it in writing and your husband can sign and date the document.
CONS: You have to see and speak with your husband.
TIPS: Meet in a neutral place and avoid emotional or angry confrontations.
5. Through Your Divorce Lawyer
PROS: Your lawyer can do the dirty work and you don’t have to see or speak with your husband.
CONS: It will cost you $$$.
TIPS: Don’t ask your lawyer to communicate with your husband’s lawyer about trivial matters or if you must, prepare a list of issues that can be dealt with at once to reduce the number of times your lawyer must call or write letters on your behalf.
This article is not legal advice. You should consult an attorney if you have legal questions that relate to your specific divorce.
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Posted by ModDiva on July 31st, 2008 filed in Coping with Divorce, Divorce, Divorce Tips, Family Law |
July 31st, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Great list, Helene.
Several years back one of today’s well known internet entrepreneurs created a system to permit you to record a telephone message to your spouse and to schedule its delivery for a later time. That way, you would have a record of what you had actually said and, if your circumstances or emotions changed before your message was delivered, you would be able to modify or cancel it.
He never took his product to market, but he definitely had an interesting idea.
Regret is such a huge aspect of divorce; compounding regret is regrettable. (smile)
August 4th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Wow! I love this pro vs. con way to look at it! I can be so difficult to communicate with an ex and you always second guess your self. Looking at it like this is a great help!
Thanks,
Len Stauffenger
August 5th, 2008 at 12:55 am
Yup, divorce is business and emails can be used against you in a divorce.
How about Skype? Apparently, you can record your conversations, too. Oh the horror, you can never be too careful.
August 6th, 2008 at 10:30 am
I, too, really like the pro vs. con of how to talk to your husband. It seems that almost everything can be used against you in court. Yikes!
August 11th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
I really wish that my mother would have had this information when she was going through the divorce. My mother and father could barely be in the same room. Thank you again for the information. I don’t know whether or not I’ll need it in the future, but it’s good to know anyway.
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:09 am
Please be very careful about emails to your attorney right now. In July I filed a complaint with the CA State Bar because my attorney and opposing counsel shared client emails. In a letter dated August 12, 2008, they responded: “The State Bar reviewing attorneys determined that the applicable disciplinary rule does not apply to circumstances where the opposing counsel discloses his own client’s email to your attorney.”
It is a stunning interpretation of the ethics code regarding attorney client privilege. I can appeal to Audit and Review and I will be doing so. Frankly, I think the “reviewing attorneys” need to be reviewed themselves. Until that time, be careful. According to this statement your attorney may share your emails to him with opposing counsel.