Collaborative Family Lawyer and Mediator J. Mark Weiss is recognized and respected as a leader in Washington for his expertise in divorce matters in general, and collaborative divorce in particular. He is one of a handful of attorneys in the greater Seattle area who have ended highly successful careers in litigation to become even more successful in non-adversarial dispute resolution. Mark has received numerous honors, including “Attorney of the Year” by the Family Law Section of the Washington State Bar Association in 2005, and “Super Lawyer” by Washington Law and Politics magazine, and the highest possible rating by Avvo. He is a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. Mark may be contacted at info@mark-weiss.com or (206) 622-6707.

Mark took time out of his busy schedule to be interviewed by The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide. Here are his answers to our questions.

1. What are the grounds for divorce in your state? The marriage is irretrievably broken.

2. Does fault (such as infidelity or domestic violence) affect the outcome of a divorce in your state? If so, how? Fault has no affect on the financial aspects of a divorce, except under extraordinary situations such when a spouse “wasted” marital property,
which has a very high standard.

3. If a woman is preparing for divorce what, if anything, can she do to improve the outcome of her case? Learn as much as possible ahead of time, and be prepared. If needed, get counseling to be able to be willing to ask for what you really need.

4. What are some of the biggest obstacles women face in divorce? When a woman has given up a career for a marriage or children, the lost seniority and experience can have significant long-term economic consequences. It can be very useful to engage a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst or other qualified financial professional to learn what the real-world long-term consequences of decisions might be.

5. When should a woman take her case to trial? When shouldn’t she? Trials are rarely “won” – they are often lost or lost worse. A trial may be necessary when your spouse is unable or unwilling to make rational decisions based on reality, or is unwilling to proceed in good faith. Make sure your attorney knows all the facts, and follow her or his advice.

6. How can a woman make divorce easier on her children? The most important thing is to ensure that the children are not exposed to the parental conflict in any way. Children are smart, and will pick up on tone, body language, and statements. Children may inaccurately see themselves as responsible for the divorce, and will be confused, looking to the parents for clues. They know that they are half yours and half your spouse’s, so any negative comment about your spouse will at some level be taken as a negative comment about them. Reassure the children that both parents love them, and demonstrate that you and your spouse will continue as parents, but not as a couple. Advice from a mental health child specialist can be very useful.

7. What qualities should a woman look for in a divorce lawyer? Someone who listens and is compassionate, and who brings perspective, in addition to good technical knowledge.

8. What should a woman do if she disagrees with her divorce lawyer’s recommendations? First, talk with your lawyer about the disagreement, and the reason for the disagreement. Depending on the nature of the disagreement, maybe seek a second opinion. Ultimately, your decision will affect you, and lawyers are required to follow their clients’ decisions to the extent allowed by ethics rules.

9. If you could impart any of your wisdom to a woman who is going through divorce, what would it be? First, seek counseling as soon as possible, to deal with the very important emotional divorce. Second, explore non-adversarial methods of dispute resolution. While not right for everyone, methods such as mediation and collaborative law may help you achieve a better outcome at less expense, but it is more difficult to utilize those processes after an adversarial process has started. Third, if an adversarial process is inevitable, ask your attorney to try to pursue procedures that will help keep costs down without compromising the quality of the representation.

10. Are there any divorce books or resources that you would like to recommend to women going through divorce?

The Good Divorce

Collaborative Divorce: The Revolutionary New Way to Restructure Your Family, Resolve Legal Issues, and Move on with Your Life

Divorce: A Problem to Be Solved, Not a Battle to Be Fought

Building a Parenting Agreement That Works: How to Put Your Kids First When Your Marriage Doesn’t Last

The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions So You and Your Children Can Thrive

How to Talk to Your Children About Divorce

WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?: RAISING YOUR CHILDREN BEFORE, DURING, AND AFTER DIVORCE