In a word - FEAR. Someone once said that fear stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. In our minds, there are all kinds of reasons to settle for the crumbs with which we’ve been presented, all of them false:

• I’ve been single a long time and this is the best opportunity I’ve had
• My friends say I’m being too picky
• My family says I’m being too picky
• I’m getting older every day and I don’t know how many more opportunities I’ll get
• It isn’t that bad
• It’s better than nothing
• This may be the last train to come through the station, so I’d better get on board
• I don’t want to run out of time to have children

In order to hold out for a great relationship, we have to be able to say “no” to a mediocre one. Someone once said that you can’t have a powerful “yes” until you deveop a powerful “no.” Imagine saying yes to someone you don’t feel you’re wild about, or who doesn’t treat you really well. Eventually, that yes turns into resentment due to needs going unfulfilled. This undermines the basis of commitment, the glue that is supposed to bind you together over the long haul.

Now imagine holding out for someone who is a real match for you, whom you love and respect, and who loves and respects you, with whom you share values and a life vision. Now imagine the power of the yes that you express to this person and he/she to you. It’s not just yes, it’s YES!

About the Singlescoach®: Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC, is a licensed therapist with twenty years in private practice. Nina launched the world’s first educational resource on the internet for singles, Singlescoach®, in 1996, simultaneous with the publication of her first book, Be Your Own Dating Service. Since then, she’s established herself as one of the foremost authorities on the intricacies of dating and love relationships. She’s been featured in innumerable national magazines and newspapers, on radio hundreds of times, and on national and regional television. Nina’s newest book, Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid (Wheatmark, 2008), was just released to rave reviews. Nina lives in Dallas, Texas, with her Soul Partner and husband, Mark.

“Ask The Singlescoach®” Copyright © 2007 by Nina Atwood, all rights reserved. This article was excerpted with permission from Nina Atwood. Permission to reprint is granted by the author provided all links are included. All reprints must state, “Copyright © 2007 by Nina Atwood, all rights reserved. Reprinted with permission by Nina Atwood.

DISCLAIMER: The information and opinions reflected in this article are solely those of the author and do not reflect on the publisher, editor, or editorial staff of Women’s Online Magazine. This article has been written and reviewed by the author. Any errors should be brought to the attention of the author.

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