Thursday Thirteen, Fourth Edition
It’s always good to be able to laugh at oneself, so here are thirteen lawyer jokes that make me laugh!
1. Do you know what happens when a lawyer takes Viagra? ~ He gets taller.* (My personal favorite!)
2. (And in all fairness) What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? Lipstick.*
3. Why didn’t the shark eat the lawyer? ~ Professional courtesy.
4. Why do we have lawyers? ~ To make used car salesmen look good.**
5. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? ~ Senator.**
6. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? ~ How many can you afford?
7. What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? ~ There are skid marks in front of the skunk. (harsh!)
8. Satan was complaining bitterly to God: “You made the world so that it was not fair, and you made it so that most people would have to struggle every day, fight against their innate wishes and desires, and deal with all sorts of losses, grief, disasters, and catastrophes. Yet people worship and adore you. People fight, get arrested, and cheat each other, and I get blamed, even when it is not my fault. Sure, I’m not perfect, but give me a break. Can’t you do something to make them stop blaming me? ~ And so God created lawyers.
9. A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, “Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession.” The engineer replied, “But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine.” Then, the lawyer spoke up. “Yes,” he said, “But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?”
10. A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question: “Have you ever been arrested?” He answered no to the question. The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding question with a yes, was “why?” Nevertheless, the lawyer answered it “Never got caught.”
11. Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? ~ Take your foot off his head.
12. What is the definition of a shame (as in “that’s a shame”)? ~ When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
13. What is the definition of a “crying shame”? ~ There was an empty seat.
Sources: *Adelaide Green Porridge Cafe; **Really Funny Jokes; Technorati Tags: thursday thirteen lawyer jokes
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Posted by ModDiva on January 3rd, 2008 filed in Divorce Lawyer, Thursday Thirteen |
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Yes, it’s always good to laugh at one’s self.
No need for a divorce lawyer here though
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:28 pm
I like #6. But I’m afraid I’m not getting #1. What am I missing?
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Warning: this comment is a little graphic: To answer MomHueber’s question about #1…Viagara makes d*cks harder….and because some male lawyers are considered to be d*cks - when they take Viagara, it makes their entire bodies harder and more erect or taller
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Ah.
January 3rd, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Those are funny. But momhuebert’s comment, the answer, and her response=coffee snorted onto keyboard.
Thanks for stopping by
PS It has been said that I can find the silver lining in anything, so the leprosy thing wasn’t too hard, LOL
January 3rd, 2008 at 7:22 pm
Too funny! I have a friend who is a lawyer…he loves lawyer jokes!
January 3rd, 2008 at 11:02 pm
coming from a family of lawyers, i think those are hysterical!!
January 4th, 2008 at 2:00 am
Those are hilarious. My personal favorites are #3 and #6. One my husband’s and my favorite lawyer show on TV, is SHARK. Thanks for the smile and laughs.
Happy New Years!
January 4th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Thanks for that funny list! I especially like #5