the modern woman's divorce guide

Joy M. Feinberg is a family lawyer and partner at Feinberg & Barry, P.C. in Chicago, Illinois. Ms. Feinberg was named one of Illinois’ “Super Lawyers” in 2006 and an Illinois Family Law “Leading Lawyer” every year. Ms. Feinberg is also a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and has authored a variety of articles in the field of family law. Ms. Feinberg can be reached at joy@feinbergbarry.com or 312/444-1050.

Recently, Ms. Feinberg took time out of her busy schedule to answer The Modern Woman’s Divorce Guide’s questions about divorce.

1. What are the grounds for divorce in your state? There are 11 grounds for divorce in Illinois. One of them is no-fault or irreconcilable differences, which is used most often. You must be separated for two years to use no-fault as grounds. If you are separated for six months, however, and both parties sign a stipulation waiving the two-year waiting period, you can use grounds of no-fault. The second most common ground is extreme and repeated mental cruelty.

2. Does fault (such as infidelity or domestic violence) affect the outcome of a divorce in your state? If so, how? Technically it does not. If you spend a lot of money on a “paramour,” however, that will be considered dissipation and the marital estate will be reimbursed.

3. If a woman is preparing for divorce what, if anything, can she do to improve the outcome of her case? If you’re preparing for divorce, you can do a number of things:

• Get your own copies of the last few years’ income tax returns and year-end statements for bank accounts and retirement accounts
• See a lawyer in advance of your divorce in order to help prepare
• Take care of all major medical, dental and optical needs in advance of filing for divorce
• Get some training so that you may reenter the work force if needed
• If there is a family business, know where the business does its banking, find out who the CPA and the corporate attorney are, and obtain copies of business tax returns and the business balance sheet.
• Keep careful track of how much money is spent by each of you
• Get copies of credit cards, credit card statements, PDA files and computer records if possible

4. What are some of the biggest obstacles women face in divorce? The biggest obstacles are re-entry into the work force and finding proper child care.

5. When should a woman take her case to trial? When shouldn’t she? Take a case to trial if the terms of the offer are so palpably bad that the costs don’t outweigh the possible resolution achieved at trial.

6. How can a woman make divorce easier on her children? You can make divorce easier on children in a number of ways:

• Allow children access to their father without making them feel guilty about enjoying time with him and do not fight in the children’s presence
• Be flexible and reasonable
• Enjoy your time away from the children
• Don’t say negative things about the father or his significant other Children see themselves as part of each parent and degrading one parent makes the child feel they too are being degraded
• Remind the children that both parents love them. Just because they are divorcing does not mean that they are divorcing the children.

7. What qualities should a woman look for in a divorce lawyer?
Look for experience, knowledge and easy–to-obtain access (i.e., phone or e-mail). If you feel comfortable with the attorney and he or she enjoys a good reputation in the community, then the “fit” will be fine.

8. What should a woman do if she disagrees with her divorce lawyer’s recommendations? Get a second opinion and ask that attorney to explain why your attorney is recommending what s/he is recommending.

9. If you could impart any of your wisdom to a woman who is going through divorce, what would it be? Remember that your future is what you make of it. Many of my clients are substantially happier after the divorce. If you dwell too much on the sadness, get the help of a mental health professional who can assist you in your grieving process so you can move on in life. Understand what has caused the divorce – what you both have done – so that you do not make the same choices or mistakes again.

10. Are there any divorce books or resources that you would like to recommend to women going through divorce? If so, please list them below. There are so many books on the market today that a trip to the bookstore or an online search will provide you with many reading options.

This article is not legal advice. You should consult an attorney if you have questions that relate to your divorce and finances.

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