the modern woman's divorce guide

Just as a truly courageous person is someone who knows fear but acts bravely in spite of it, a truly forgiving person is someone who experiences all the anger merited by injustice and still acts with fairness and compassion.—Martha Beck, O Magazine- December, 2001

A question that is commonly asked during divorce is “How do we determine the value of our home for purposes of the divorce if we are not actually selling it?” The answer is: “It depends.”

It depends on the method you and/or your husband select or upon which the judge relies. Some of the more common methods I have witnessed being used in divorce proceedings include the following:

1. Hiring a Certified Real Estate Appraiser to produce a real estate appraisal. Appraisers use a variety of methods to calculate the value of property, however they generally consider the actual value of the lot upon which the house sits, the replacement cost of the structure(s) on the lot and the sales prices of comparable homes recently sold within close proximity to the property in question. Banks use Real Estate Appraisers to determine the value of property before they extend credit to the property purchaser or owner.
2. Hiring a Real Estate Broker who is licensed and experienced in the sale of property in the neighborhood. The property value, as provided by a Broker, may be greater or less than the value established by an Appraiser for the same property. The valuation may differ because it is common for real estate to sell above and below appraised values when the market is in a boom or slump. For example, a home in Beverly Hills located next door to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’s house may be appraised for $10 million, but may sell for twice that because it is located in a highly coveted neighborhood and is surrounded by celebrities. A party who wants real estate to be valued at more or less than the appraised value for purposes of divorce will often use Real Estate Brokers to calculate the price.
3. Referring to and relying upon property tax records. City and state property tax offices calculate property taxes based upon the value of the real property and any structures located thereon. The tax man’s methods for determining appraised values are often a mystery and in some cities and states, have historically generated values far below those set by Certified Real Estate Appraisers or Brokers. Thus, this method for valuing property is rarely used.

In addition to the methods listed above, couples also establish the value of their real estate for purposes of divorce arbitrarily. Some use the purchase price while others use the outstanding mortgage balance. There are also those, for whom money is no object, who will pay a premium based solely on the sentimental value of a home. For example, I witnessed a spouse pay her husband $300,000 more than the $1.5 million appraised and fair market value of the property because she couldn’t bear to part with it. If only we all had the liberty to pay for such sentimentality.

So, as I mentioned above, the method used to determine the value of your home may be the one your husband agrees to accept or the court requires. Notwithstanding, because property values may differ based on the method used, be sure to ask your lawyer which strategy he or she recommends, which may ultimately depend upon your position as seller or purchaser or the property in question.

This is not legal advice. You should consult an attorney if you have legal questions that relate to your specific divorce.

Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running?

Customer: Let’s see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?

Customer: I don’t know how to. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error – Program not run on external components.” What should I do?

Tech Support: Don’t worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the “My Heart” directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running.
One more thing before we hang up.
Love is Freeware.

Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you

*Original source unknown

Pursue your dreams not because you’re immune to heartbreak, but because your real life, your whole life, is worth getting your heart broken a few thousand times. ~Martha Beck

1. Interest and dividends earned during marriage in an IRA that you created before marriage and have not made any contributions to during marriage
2. Your parents home that you inherit without any encumbrances and move into with your spouse during marriage
3. Money that you earned before marriage, but used to make the down payment on a home that you and your spouse bought during marriage and hold in joint title
4. Your engagement ring

Have you wondered if you are doing something wrong in relation to money?
Has it ever occurred to you that maybe it’s your mindset or some unconscious blocks that are interfering with your ability to get (and keep) the money you desire?

Let me tell you a story……

I was out and overheard a conversation with two women I’ll call “Sally and Donna.”
Sally was trying to give Donna some money for something and had a $20 bill in her hand. The conversation went like this –

Sally: “Please let me give you some money.”
Donna: “No, I couldn’t possibly take that from you.”
Sally: “It’s really important that you let me pay you.”
Donna (who is now literally backing away) “No! I WON”T TAKE YOUR MONEY.”

As I’m overhearing this I noticed how freaked out Donna got but it wasn’t until Sally said this very astute statement that I it really ‘clicked’ for me.” Read the rest of this entry »

If you’ve been out of the dating world for years or you’re just a little too trusting, dating after divorce can be like an adventure in uncharted territory. You can end up on BAD dates, Crazy dates, GREAT dates, and Inexplicable dates. You also can find yourself on dates with Momma’s boys, Addicts (work or substances), Narcissists, and Players. These dates waste your precious time and can take a toll on your psyche if you’re not prepared.

But how can you prepare for the dating field land mines or better yet, avoid them? Thankfully, there is a wealth of free information available to guide you through the dating process and today, we’d like to share some wisdom imparted to us by Matt Titus, “relationship expert”, published author, and the star of Matched in Manhattan.

According to Matt Titus, there are 5 Ways to Decode a Player, and they are:

1. He will try to make it completely convenient for himself by going some place cheap, casual and close to his apartment
2. His initial interest in you is to eventually sleep with you. Nothing more, nothing less. So, the player will try to get you drunk, assuming it will be easier to get you to go home with him.
3. If he tries to get you to leave with him, within an hour of meeting you, he wants you for one thing and one thing only.
4. If he doesn’t take the cheap route, he will wine and dine you, but only for a time or two. Then, he will lose interest and quickly turn from Prince Charming to Mr. Unappealing.
5. The player won’t call. He is playing games. Be sure not to call him, it won’t be worth your phone minutes in the end.

Based on my dating experiences after divorce I can say that it is both easy and difficult to spot a player. Sometimes it’s just obvious based on his approach, language, and offer. At other times it’s difficult to decipher because he’s such a good actor and there are no tell tale signs. That said, I think Matt probably has a good sense of things given that he is a self proclaimed reformed “bachelor” (now happily married to Emmy Award winning television journalist, Tamsen Fadal) and a professional Match Maker who spends LOTS of time working men. So, if you’re out in the dating world, perhaps you can apply Matt’s decoding techniques and if you have any of your own, we’d love to hear them.

Now you can have live access to Experienced California Family Law Trial Attorney Helene L. Taylor for 10 hours over 6 or 7 weeks* all for the price of one of Helene’s normal billable hours!

Helene L. Taylor, Esq. is excited to announce that she and the California Divorce Academy are offering a personally guided divorce e-course that will walk you step-by-step through the process of obtaining an uncontested divorce in California and includes 10 hours of live group coaching calls with Helene over the course of 6 or 7 weeks.*

*Individuals without minor children will participate in a 6 week course while couples with minor children will participate in a 7 week course.

Courses begin April 20th and 22nd, and if you sign up before April 12th, you’ll receive a free 20- minute private phone consultation with Ms. Taylor – a $100 value.

How does it work? Once a week for 6 or 7 weeks you will participate in a live 90-minute group coaching call with Helene, who will explain the ins and outs of doing your own divorce, give you weekly assignments, walk you through some of the toughest questions on the California divorce forms, and answer your questions about the legal forms and process.

Each week between coaching sessions you will watch and follow comprehensive videos for each divorce form you must fill out to get a legal uncontested divorce in California. You also will read downloadable instructions that will serve as a detailed guidebook as you complete each of the required legal forms, exchange documents, and file your legal papers with the court.

You’ll also have 24-hour access to the student forum where you’ll be able to connect with peers. All the blank California legal forms are included in the classes as well as sample completed forms and all the necessary links to courts and court rules.

If you complete all of the forms and follow the instructions provided, at the end of these courses you should have all of your divorce papers filed with the court and when the mandatory 6 month waiting period expires, be legally divorced!

Choose the course that’s right for you and sign up today:

Uncontested California Divorce Without Minor Children
o 6 weeks
o $299

Uncontested California Divorce With Minor Children
o 7 weeks
o $399

Attorney Helene Taylor has a decade of experience in California family law. Former clients describe Helene as “gracious,” “clear thinking,” “composed,” and “a wonderful resource.” To learn more about instructor Helene Taylor here. If you have any questions, please email Helene directly at ht@moddivorce.com.

Learn More and Register Now!

Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you’re going to do now and do it. ~William C. Durant