Dear Donna,
My son’s father and I are splitting up after trying everything to make it work. I want to do the absolute best thing for my son, but I just don’t know what that is. I own my own home, have an older son from a previous marriage (50-50 placement), I work full time, and I truly want my children to come first. Our son is only 20 months old and his father is living with his parents (not a stable environment) and he wants 50-50 placement and child support from me. I really want expert advice about placement of a child under two. Are there child development experts that can help decide a schedule of placement that will be the very best for my son? ~Thoroughly Modern Mom
Dear Mom,
Yes! You are on the right track in seeking a plan that meets your child’s needs and above all that means: age appropriate. A toddler’s developmental needs are different from those of an older child, so don’t just apply the same plan as you have for your older son. Thoughtful parents should be prepared to start with a plan tailored for their child’s current age and then adjust as the child grows. Some Courts have developed suggested parenting plans based on the age of children. Take a look at the Los Angeles Superior Court’s website and click on Parenting Plan Brochures, Children Under Three Years.
Ask your co-parent to go with you to meet a neutral professional who deals with parenting planning. Often you can find such professionals listed on the websites of Collaborative Practice groups. Also pick up 2 copies of Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way by Gary Neuman, which is filled with very practical advice. (Give one to father.)
Your son’s father may well have mixed motives for requesting 50-50 placement, but your efforts to find a plan that truly suits your young child will likely be more effective if you search for a positive interest behind his stated position. This might be the desire to be a good father and to preserve something valuable that came from your relationship, despite the ending of the adult relationship. A successful parenting plan will help ease the difficulties of separation for all of you, and especially your child. A great many parents are handling this well these days, and I hope you’ll be amongst them.
A divorce coach can support you in the work I can see you are already doing to manage this transition with grace and dignity. Divorce coaches in your area can be found using the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals website.
Good luck!
Donna
Donna Beck Weaver is a Certified Specialist in Family Law, State Bar of California Board of Legal Specialization with 30 years of experience. Ms. Weaver is the co-founder of the Los Angeles Collaborative Family Law Association (LACFLA), a Board member of the International Academy of Collaborative Practitioners (IACP) and a fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML). Ms. Weaver was named a Super-Lawyer of Southern California for the past two years and her practice is located in Santa Monica, California.
Ms. Weaver may be reached at 310/458-3336 or weaver@donnabeckweaver.com.
This article is not legal advice. You should consult an attorney or if you have legal or financial questions that relate to your specific divorce.
